growing up and apart

Growing up is weird. I'm totally with Peter Pan sometimes cause choosing to never grow up sounds pretty nice. Sadly, this is not Neverland, something I have to come to terms with on a daily basis. We all have to grow up in some way and be adults and do adult things.

After coming home from college for this first summer back I've really started to notice some of these changes. Going away and living on your own for almost a year can really force you to grow up a little bit faster than living at home with mom and dad, that's just how it is.

For me, the weirdest thing to start to come to terms with was how much friendships have changed. You've latched on with the same group of people for the entire six to four years of Jr High and High School and assumed that you all have the absolute best friendship in the whole wide world and you will be friends till the day you die, living in the old folks home together and everything. It's a bit extreme theory, but we all believe it in the moment. It's convenient and they are almost all you know, so why would you think other wise?

During my first year at university I made some new friends that I developed a really close connection to as well. These friendships are very different from the ones made in high school in both good and bad ways. So coming home from spending all my time with them and readjusting to spending all my time with the high school girls again was a weird experience. Just over the course of a year it feels like so much has changed. We have all matured in our different ways. Some stayed closer through out the year, others branched out more. I'm not as close with them as I used to be and I feel like I don't fit in the same way as I did before.

Things change. As crazy as it would sound, we have started to grow apart from this group of girls that talked about being bridesmaids in each others weddings. I'm finding that the hardest part of growing up is going to be the inevitable changes in friendships. Learning when to know to let go and when to put in the effort. 

There is no anger. There is no bitterness towards anyone at all. I love every single one of my brothers and sisters in christ. There just comes a time to realize that not every relationship or friendship is built to last a lifetime. Sometimes you both need to go your separate ways for a little while and grow on your own. Maybe you'll get to come back and build a stronger relationship than even what you had before. It is just so important to see when this is a necessary step to take. 

A friendship shouldn't cause you any unneeded stress or take away from your happiness. If it becomes a distraction from more important things such as your relationship with God, it's time to really think about what you are both benefiting from in the friendship. 

Now is the time to start looking for lasting relationships that make me a happier and better person. I'm not saying that I care about any of my friends any less now, I love them with every bit of my heart as I always have, it is just everyone changes so much that the connections that were there before start to fade as well. It is the hardest thing to deal with, but we are all just walking down different paths of life and if they separate that's going to be something to live with and it will all work out in the end.

Friends are just going to come and go from here on out. It is an unbelievably hard thing for me to deal with right now. I don't like when things changed. I've always loved the people who I surround myself with so it hurts to see things get this way, but it's something I have to learn to work on. Putting my trust in God that it is all happening for a reason that I just can't see yet.

Julia Carrington