#juliagoesplacesbyherself

I have written this post a million times now. I will have a time in my life that inspires me to talk about how important this topic is to me, and then by the time I get around to writing it I start feeling that is is too late or the timing is off for my personal story. Lately, this idea has been so important to me and I preach it to so many people so I’ve decided there is no better time to talk about going places by myself. I am currently on the biggest #juliagoesplacesbyherself adventure and even within this one big adventure I’ve been exploring more solo adventures. It’s crazy but at the same time one of the best ways a person my age can grow into themselves.

But to fully explain why this post is so important to me I am going to give a little background for each of the times in the past where I started really thinking about this because they all add importance in very different ways.

The first realization was way back in June of 2015 when I had a day to myself full of shopping, coffee, and cookies. Up until a little bit before then I had always had a someone. The person I could text or call to go to the movies with or the mall or just about anything. The year before this, that someone was my boyfriend who I did absolutely everything with so when I lost that person I became lost. I didn't know what to do with myself. I was so used to the habit that if I wanted to do something I’d ask him if he wanted to and if it didn’t work out I just wouldn't go. After coming home at the beginning of that summer, not knowing what to do, I realized I was a pretty dependent person. The amount of things I missed out on or skipped in the past because I didn’t have a person to be with was upsetting to think about. For the first month of summer 2015, I had no idea who to turn to to do things with. I ended up just bribing my brother to hang out with me in exchange for food, but that could only work so many times. I had been trapped inside the house for about a week just cleaning out my closet then this one day I had become too stir crazy to go on. I threw all the clothes I wanted to try to sell to a resale shop a couple cities over into the trunk of my car and just went. I was going to have a day in Costa Mesa by myself and figure it out as I go. I accomplished my goal and then decided to just stick around and explore the area. It was something I had always wanted to do but didn't appeal to anyone else so of course, it never happened. I sat down and had a cup of tea. Wandered in and out of cute little independent shops around there. Bought some sweet little macaroons. I moved at my own pace and did what I wanted to do and it was actually a really good feeling.

That’s how the rest of that summer went. It was my first #juliagoespalcesbyherself summer. I had essentially a two-month long summer with no job and far too much free time so every time I wanted to do something I just did it. I refused to let myself be afraid of what other people would think of me. There was no reason for me to miss out on what I wanted in life based off of what random strangers might or might not think of me. I did weird things that I would have never thought would be fun to do alone like go to Disneyland, which ended up being one of my favorite solo things to do. I go alone more often than with people because I choose the pace and what to do. I would go watch every show or sit on Main Street or paradise pier and just people watch and read a book. It’s so lovely. And no matter where you are alone, people don't care. They don’t really notice and judge or worry like we all think they do in our heads. Think about how often you see and judge a person for being in a coffee shop alone. Not at all right? It’s almost the selfishness inside of us that worries about others opinions when  nobody is thinking about us in the first place.

All of these “dates” with myself really helped me grow as well. I didn’t have any outside influences carrying the conversation or deciding what to do next so I learned what I really wanted to do. I discovered what my personal priorities were and what I enjoyed doing. I really got to know myself. I think being dependent or always in relationships took us so much of my time worrying about getting to know someone else while I barely knew myself. During our high school and college years, we are still trying to figure out who we are and who we want to be. Nothing is all figured out by any means. I found that it is so important to just slow down and hang out with yourself. Ask yourself the same stupid things you would ask another person to get to know them. Think about nothing else but yourself. Because there is no one on this earth that you will spend as much time with as you. Might as well know yourself and enjoy spending time with yourself. If you can’t do this you could end up being totally miserable and not make the strong connections with others that we crave. It is so true. I preach this all the time. You have got to date yourself a little bit every once in a while.

After that summer I went back to school where I was pretty much constantly surrounded by other people again. I felt bad but I reverted to my old ways of waiting on others. Partially due to the lack of a car and the literal dependence on others to get anywhere outside of the University of Redlands campus. I missed it so much so as soon as I would have an opportunity I would grab it and go out. Then the next summer came and I did have a job this time and this job actually created a ridiculous amount of amazing friendships so I spent so much of my time with them. But I still tried to make a little bit of that alone time. I would go into the Disneyland parks for a few hours before my shift because having that little bit of time would still make all the difference in my mood.

At the end of that summer, I was going somewhere totally by myself. Somewhere pretty far away by myself. It was gonna take a couple planes to get there and I would be hopping over quite a few time zones. Suddenly I was in Paris, France “tout seul”. I was scared and worried that maybe I had tricked myself into thinking I was an independent person for the past year when in reality I really didn’t like being totally alone like that at all. I was scared and lost and confused at first but then I just had to take a breath and think about what I had learned in the past.

This was just a great opportunity to go on dates with myself practically every single day. I knew I had lists on lists on lists of things I wanted to explore in this crazy city and I was in no mood to try to find an exploring buddy every single day. Classes for me were out around noon every day so I had so much opportunity to get out there without anyone holding me back. I know I’m a pretty particular person and my idea of a fun day isn’t the same as everyone else’s so I would go out on my own and wander in and out of stores, stop at a different coffee shop every hour, or spend an entire day at a museum. I was in Paris for me. I wasn’t there to share my experience with someone else all the time, if I was I would have tried harder to talk my best friend into coming with me. I was here to discover new things about myself and learn about and enjoy this new and unusual place.

You learn more about yourself when in a place you've never been before where no one speaks your language as their first language and you have to figure out how to get around and live. It isn’t an easy task. Every day can easily turn into a challenge and it can be frustrating if you don’t learn to make the best of it. I think about how easy it could have been for me to lock myself in my room every day after classes. I would have avoided a lot of awkward moments created by language barriers and cultural differences. It would have been simple to just wait around for my more fluent friends to be free and let them do all the talking for me. Yet, if I did that I would have seen a lot more of my bedroom walls than of this city that I only get to live in for so long. People in my program say that they think I have seen more of the city than anyone else just because I chose to push myself to go out and force myself to deal with those uncomfortable times. I knew the struggle would be worth the benefit. I know the city inside and out and would be totally comfortable giving anyone travel advice if they choose to come to Paris. And I wouldn’t have that if I was afraid to go out alone. Do you see where I’m going here? The world becomes so much more accessible if you drop the fears and stigmatism attached to being alone for a little bit.

Now back to Disneyland because, I’m sorry, but I love the place and it just so happens to be a big part of my life. If you didn’t know, there is a Disneyland park in Paris. Being a Disneyland cast member and a Disney fan in general meant visiting the parks was an easy no brainer. You could go back and read another one of my posts that goes more into detail about my experience there, but I am going to briefly mention it here because it was yet another experience of being somewhere alone. I was supposed to go with a big group of friends here in my abroad program, but low and behold they all canceled the night before. I was too excited about this day that I didn’t want to push it back just to wait on other people again, plus, as I mentioned before, Disneyland solo was something totally normal to me back home so why would it be any different here. It felt really strange and wrong at first and I was texting friends back home worried that I was making a mistake, but the day was perfect for me. I moved at my own slow pace. I was lucky enough to get in free so I knew I could come back again if I really wanted to. I accomplished my priorities that I knew the people I was planning on coming with wouldn’t have been on board with. I wandered the hotels for almost three hours just to stalk their lifeguards because that’s my job back at home so I thought it would be fun to compare. As funny as it sounds I had a completely personal experience that would have been hindered if I had not gone alone. That was a big day for me and I think it’s funny how worried I was that I would regret doing so.

Now I’m in London. I got on a bus at midnight and woke up this morning at 7 am in another country once again completely by myself. I felt a lot more confident coming to an English speaking country for my solo weekend which made this decision easier. As basic as it sounds, this city has always been a dream for me. I got through high school by watching British YouTubers all the time. London and Paris were the two cities I was going back and forth with when choosing my abroad home base. I had this city built up in my head and I was not prepared to miss out on my dream of visiting just because everyone else had already been there and had no desire to go back. I booked my bus anyway and just went for it. As I am writing this I am sitting in the most stunning tea room that I have ever seen, drinking a proper English afternoon tea. I don’t care that I’m the only person sitting alone at a table because this is what I want. A dream come true. Nobody wanted to join me in this ridiculously expensive treat but that wasn’t going to stop me.

I’m sure this is obnoxiously long and I’m starting to sound repetitive, but I cannot stress this enough. I love to hang out with myself every once in a while. There is no excuse to ever miss out on something you want to experience. Yes, I agree some experiences are better shared with someone else, but would you rather try it out alone or miss the experience altogether? It’s strange to think about how different I could be if I had continued in my ways of waiting on others. I know who I am and who I want to be and I have myself to thank for that. What an awesome feeling.

So why are you waiting around all the time? If you want to do it, just go out there and do it.

xoxo
Julia Carrington