Why I Dyed My Hair Brown on a Random Friday Night

I found a lot of my identity growing up in being blonde. I had a natural hair color that ladies at the salon told me I should never change because it was the color that they could only try to achieve.

Unfortunately, I had these two physical features foreshadowing my hair's future, staring at me every time I looked in a mirror.

This progression of darker and darker hair has been a long time coming. I've always had really dark eyebrows, so there was no avoiding the inevitable.

I vowed never to dye or lighten and always be happy with my natural hair, but I gave in two years ago and got highlights. Nothing full-blown, but just trying to keep grasp of being a "blonde."

The thing that had started to bother me is how inconsistent my natural hair color is. It could look super light and blonde one day, dull and dark another, or even red sometimes depending on the lighting. It was fun sometimes, but if I wasn't happy with the color that day, I wouldn't feel comfortable, and I would let it control my mood.

these two photos were taken less than a week apart without coloring my hair at all

Growing up, I was a swimmer, so I spent a lot of time in the sun and in the pool, both of which played a big part in keeping me blonde. I stopped swimming in my junior year of high school, and that's when my hair really started to darken. It began as a beautiful natural ombre, and at the time, that was the color that everyone in California was going for, so I felt really special that I didn't even have to try for it.

Towards the end of high school and through college, I was really in denial that I was no longer the blonde girl. Honestly, it took my current boyfriend repeatedly telling me I'm a brunette for me to come to terms with this.

I know I'm making this sound dramatic, but growing up, I put my physical identity in my hair color and my two beauty marks, things I told myself I'd love no matter what, and that would never change.

Now with dyeing my hair now, I'm not doing something dramatic at all. I'm not going a color I've never been before, like black or strawberry blonde(even though I dream of being a strawberry blonde). I'm just trying to commit to one of the colors my hair tries to be on random days. The one I feel the most confident in.

Since it's still covid times, and I don't have a hairdresser that I trust yet, I didn't get it professionally done. I was targeted hard on Instagram by a company called Overtone, and I am easily influenced by some good Instagram marketing(tbh I should share all of the things I've bought because of Instagram marketing cause it's too many things). They sell these coloring conditioners, which is a semi-permanent dye that you put on like a leave-in conditioner, and after about 15 minutes, you rinse, and you've got a new color for two weeks to a month. I bought their golden brown coloring conditioner because I like the warm brown shades in my hair that have the subtle red undertones in the right lighting. I also like that this product is almost like putting a filter on your current hair color. It keeps the same dimension and variation of my natural hair and adds this uniformity, so I know I'm waking up with the same color every day.

I'm excited to fall in love with this new color; however subtle it may be, it feels big for me. I'm learning not to find my identity in physical traits because they will keep changing from here on out. Ladies, as much as we want to think we will be skinny with perfect hair and skin forever, that's not the reality. I'm not saying I'm about to give up on taking care of myself or anything; I'm just not going to let myself get upset if I don't look like the girl I was in high school. This change is a new type of self-care for me. I'm stepping outside my comfort zone, and I'm excited to see what doors of self-acceptance open up for me.

Love,
Julia Carrington